you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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