you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
