Who did Billy Mays play for?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
