My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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