Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
