Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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