I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
