i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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