how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
