Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
