That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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