I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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