As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize