I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
