Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
