I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will pee on everything he values.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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