yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize