oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
