Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
