I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
