She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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