i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
