If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
