yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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