he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
