it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
