so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
