lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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