You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
