did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
