I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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