I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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