nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am puke
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
