Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
