Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
