there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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