It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
