I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
