From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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