Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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