this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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