I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
