i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
