I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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