Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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