She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
