I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
