I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize