Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
