It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
