I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
