hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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