Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
