im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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