Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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