drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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