you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
