I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
