yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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