I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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