How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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