Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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