she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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