Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
