I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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