I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
