After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're a waste of cheezeits
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
