I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
