sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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