I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
