mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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