Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
