just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
