Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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