if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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