we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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