Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
