I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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