worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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