Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
